Hey

Yes you, if you read this. yes if only you read this which is almost impossible, 

I just want you to know that I miss you. Well, you left with no goodbye, not even a single word was said…

I know, friends doesn’t always have to chat everyday everytime.. but it’s like, you’re suddenly missing. We met anyway at school, yes school. not campus. but we were not talking, not even a glancing at each other right? I know something went wrong. but hey, you’re not trying to talk to me what the hell is going on, so whatever you want, then be it!

I am no longer holding you. I’m in process of letting go. I guess I’m trying to let you go.

Sorry for being so demanding for the previous year, I honestly tired of being the first one who start the conversation, we both know that this is not the first time we’re not talking to each other, but this is seriously the longest time. you should fight for me if I am that important to you. you are important to me. you were :)

Iya mungkin gue ya yang maksa pengeeeen banget jadi sahabat lo, yes I am a spoiled and childish friend. tapi gue boleh denger apapun alasan lo ngediemin gue gini kan? EHM, anyway, I don’t care about it anymore. whatever it is..

gue ga akan lupain semua kebaikan lo sama gue, semua jasa-jasa lo, mulai dari nemenin gue nangis2 gara2 ga keterima pbs, ngedukung gue selama persiapan snmptn tulis, dengerin gue nangis karena ketakutan dan nilai jelek, nganterin gue pulang malem-malem. nggak akan lupa :) makasih buat semuanya. maaf kalo gue bukan teman yang baik ya selama ini :D

Take care of yourself, sukses ya :) gue doain semoga lo bahagia dan sukses selalu, semoga lo berhasil di apapun yang lo pengenin :)

*PLIS INI GAKGALAU, SOALNYA GUE MALES BBM LO DULUAN :) DAN GUE GAPUNYA PULSA BUAT SMS HEHEHE..*

2011 —> 2012

2011 well it was a wonderful year. i started the year with people i love the most. my family, my bestfriends, at the beginning i was so sure that 2011 would be a wonderful year. i was not wrong. indeed it was wonderful. however, there were also hard times i faced.

i was so happy. at the beginning of the year. i was so sure that i was going to medschool. i refused all the offers that few universities gave me. i refused to take ppkb UI, i refused to take pmdk UNS, i even refused the mighty snmptn undangan. because i was so sure that i was going to attend that medschool. all of the teachers, friends, families, they were all so sure that i was capable being in that medschool. i know, i was so arrogant. i even hate myself for being that arrogant. the thing i was grateful enough was ppkb UI and pmdk UNS was canceled and changed into snmptn undangan.

my birthday was superb! i celebrated it with my friends in xii ipa a. well they (esp Rara, Arrum, Firky, Dina, Anara etc etc) they gave me surprises, a cake! w-o-w thanks a lot guys, and because i and Intan had the same date of birthday and we were in the same class so the cake was for us! and xii ipa a also gave me a wonderful gift they soiled my face with the dust of whiteboard eraser!! which means, my face turned ALL BLACK. dammit i love you guys, you don’t know how much i miss you guys. anyway, Bertos was so mean! he ignored me for weeks!!!! he said he was going to give me something, but because of his laziness it turned out he didn’t give me anything and he congratulated me THE LAST, after i ask him what did i do wrong? GRRRH, i was so furious! and Fira gave me the longest, touchiest, birthday wishes, hufft, that was the most wonderful february ever.

and the disaster came, the announcement of pbs. yeah yeah, i was not accepted. do you want to know how it feels? it feels like you are already flying up high and you’re end up slammed hardly to the earth. it was like you’re slapped by your own mother. it hurts. a lot. and i was ashame to accept the reality. teachers, families, all of them were so sure, GOSH, what did i do wrong? alright, maybe i was so snob back then, and the words there’s always a silver lining, was totally correct! you know, if i really wanted to be a doctor, it doesn’t matter where i studied, but it was a matter to me. that’s because i didn’t really want to be a doctor. so with hard, biting argument and deep conversation. i ask my dad if i can apply to an engineering school. my dad was not agree. but at the end finally he agreed. the good news, Bertos was accepted, imma proud bestfriend, dude!! and the bad news, Fira wasn’t accepted too.. so I and Fira have to fight harder to face the frightening, snmptn tertulis

through the days left before snmptn tertulis i was studying so damn hard. i and fira was supporting each other. although we didn’t have the same direction anymore. i changed the major i was going to. i wanted to go to itb, and fira was still with her first major she was going to, med school. it was a hard time, trust me. we were pushed so hard. luckily, i got my mom and dad that was always supporting me, my sister that always gave her best to make me not too pressured, and my bestfriend around. thogh he’s already in bandung and do the matriculation program, err i’m not sure but i think he was.. but thank God, i don’t know what will happen to me if he wasn’t there supporting me.

you know, when you are being rejected, you just need supports from the one that already accepted but able to support you. why? because when you ran into your friends that also bieng rejected, it was a huge mistake. they also as worried as you, you couldn’t be that selfish to ask them to support you, they also need supports.

the wonderful times came right away, God listens my prayer (anyway, all of the paragraph, not just my being accepted) i got accepted. until today, i can still feel the joyous moment when i open the annoucement and found the words “SELAMAT…” so happy i even bursted into tears. Fira was also accepted, in the first place imma proud proud bestfriend, she deserved it!!

and finally the time came, i was becoming a freshmen student in ITB. at first i was a little bit scared that i will be the lone ranger there since none of my bestbud got accepted in that college. well i forgot that i already have a family member there. no matter how hard the situation was, how bad mood i was, how mean i could be, how ambitious i was, how weepy and sensitive i AM, and how careless i could be. i still got my family there. still could hit the D keypad to make an emergency call, at least until i have a settled number to be my forever emergency call i was able to call him whenever i feel like crying or…. going home late~

i don’t care about what people say. they don’t know anything. i was so happy. and i was not that lonely. i was easily make friends. in class, i got Gina and Joan. we’re always together except in calculus class. and i also hang with Akira and Thaya. they are my highschool mates. in highschool i wasn’t so closed with them because i’ve never been in the same class. but we’re being close in ITB. i also make friends with Arinka, Angel, Osa, and Sirka.

you see, i’m not that wallflower actually. muehehehe.

i ended the year of 2011 alone. not with my bestfriends, not my family cause my dad was off working and my mom was sick. i guess the end was not perfect. pretty bad i could say. but yeah, maybe the end of 2012 would be sweet :D

2012 i wish……………………………………………….yeah, it’s private anyway :D

BUNDA

this post is for my super hero. my role model. my mom.

you know, every girls have a unique relationship with their mom. some of them are real close, some of them are not. for me, my mom is like my everything. i am very close really really close to my mom, maybe it’s because my dad’s job made him work far away separate from us, and my li’l sissy was born 7years after my being an only child. so it’s like I spent almost all of my childhood time with my mom.

my mom is my soulmate. it’s nearly impossible for me to hide something from her. she’s magically know when something goes wrong. she knows all of my strories. my scores, grades, difficulty in school, anxiety about future, she also knows ALL of my crushes, best friends, gossips about me. i know she’s quite protective. well she is protective, but i can’t help myself being happy protected. i know she did that for myself.

gue baru boleh jalan-jalan bareng temen2 gak pake ditemenin itu… SMA. hahaha gue tau gue tau cupu banget emang. tapi gue gak pernah punya nyali buat ngelawan, gue tau banget nyokap gue ngelarang itu ada alesannya. gue juga nggak pernah boleh pacaran. haha selain emang belom ada yang berminat, kayanya doa nyokap gue kenceng tuh. ngerti sih gue, jadi yaaa gue gak pernah membangkang dan misuh2. kecuali tiba2 gue dijodohin nah laen cerita itu~~ sampe kuliah gini, gue masih ribet ijin kalau mau pergi2. ya selain rumah gue yang diujung dunia ini, jadi transportnya agak rempong, nyokap gue juga pasti pengen tau gue jalan sama siapa, mau ngapain aja. ya wajarnya ibu-ibu lah… ke anak SMP tapi. hahaha nggak papa, gue malah kaget kalo tiba2 ibu gue kagak nanya macem2.

gue deket banget sama nyokap. ibaratnya, gausah ngomong banyak udah bisa baca pikiran satu sama lain. nyokap gausah ngomong, gue tau, kapan nyokap gue diem capek, diem sakit, diem males ngomong, atau diem marah. yah maybe it’s like what people called..soulmate? or maybe it’s a strong bond between me and my mom.

gue tau banget, sebenernya berat buat orang kayanya nyokap gue yang sedeket itu sama gue, dan seprotektif itu buat ngelepas gue ngekos. jadi gue bangga banget sama nyokap gue yang bisa ngelepas gue di luar kota. bahkan ngendaliin diri untuk nggak nelfon tiap hari karena nyokap gue tau kadang itu ngeganggu…. i’m so proud of you. gue tau itu berat buat nyokap gue, tapi nyokap gue selalu bilang “harus bisa mulai melepas”

gue gak bisa ngomong apapun. gue abis kata kalo ngomongin nyokap gue. aku sayang bunda.

hiks nangis kan:”(

maaf ya taun ini aku gak kasih hadiah apa2. hari ibu tiap hari kok :* sini aku pijetin *HUGS

been a year and a year and a half

waktu itu bener-bener jalan secepet kilat ya. nggak kerasa banget. dulu seinget gue masuk xb trs kenalan sama fira dan ga nyadar dia dulu seruangan pas mos sama gue terus gue inget secara tiba-tiba bahwa dia dulu duduk di deket rie dan dia sebel bgt karena nama gue susah (soalnya gue memperkenalkan diri gue ‘Rumaisa’) terus yaudah pas kelas 1 sma itu belom deket-deket banget sering ngobrol tapi belom sampe ke tahap curhat2an,paling chat msn malem-malem, atau ngmgn mesis. naik kelas 2 pisah kelas, msh jarang ngobrol. ngobrol juga sebatas waktu itu ikut lomba mading sama doi dan kita absurd banget parah hahaaaa ya ampun precious moment banget deh kayanya abis lomba bikin mading itu jd sering ngobrol2, bbman, ngefreak naksir sama artis-artis dan berharap berjodoh sama bule-bule ganteng, dan puncaknya pas mau naik kelas 3 jadi ngerasa deket banget sering curhat2an gitu DAN kita selalu senasib!!! apapun yang terjadi sama fira, bakal kejadian juga sama gue, dan apapun yang terjadi sama gue, bakal kejadian juga sama fira. kebanyakan kalo disebutin satu-satu. yang jelas gue kaya nemu soulmate aja. fira satu2nya orang yang gak kecele dengan status “N’s” gue di bbm. pokoknya udah deh klik banget sm fira ({}) ga kerasalah udah satu setengah taun nemu soulmate. yang lucu nih, bagus sih lebih tepatnya walaupun senasib, dan sering satu selera, kalo soal cowo gue dan fira beda banget seleranya. hahaha. sekarang fira udah di jogja, tadinya gue juga mau kesitu, berhubung ditolak lewat pbs, gue ga berani lg daftar fk, takut ga tembus dan emang gue sebenernya kepengen jadi engineer. dan sekarang kita berpisah :( fira di jogja dan gue di bandung. kosan gue pending kosan fira pending. fira sibuk gue sibuk. jadwal liburan ga pernah matching. sedih banget rasanya pisah sm fira, tapi sih gue yakin gue bakalan ttp keep in touch sm dia. ga mungkin banget ada kisah-kisah nyampah dan super bego kalo gak gue ceritain ke fira. dan kita punya citacita bersama yang gatau gimana ngewujudinnya tapi harus banget terwujud. keliling dunia!!!!

dan gue baru menyadari keeksisan seseorang bernama bertos itu… kelas 3.awal-awal.pas inten.itupun gue lupa mukanya kaya gimana *maap,salah lu ansos* yaudah pas awal-awal juga gak deket sama sekali. yaiyalah gue duduk selalu didepan dan dia selalu di belakang. sampai suatu saat kelas itagio dipisah menjadi itb-ui. dan yang dari itagio masuk itbui2 itu cuma gue,kiky,dini,dan si alay satu itu.sejak saat itulah gue jadi deket karena selalu duduk sebelahan dan super berisik *eh itu gue deng* terus inget banget deh akhir tahun gt mulai curcol2an. huahahahaha dulu perasaan bertos tuh baik banget deh sekarang napa jd gini ya?oh udah keluar aslinya. ya pokoknya gue ngerasa sepemikiran sama bertos.. sejalan dan sepemikiran… dan bertos adalah orang yang bener-bener ada saat gue jatoh. ataupun terbang tinggi. waktu gue nggak keterima undangan *ralat,PBS* bertos yang nemenin gue,dari nangis-nangis abis pengumuman, berangkat ke sekolah ambil undangan wisuda, nemenin belajar buat snmptn, terus ngasih dukungan buat gue dan bikin gue yakin, bahkan rela untuk tetep sms gue karena bis gue off padahal dia pake simpati. ya ampun ini orang baiknya keterlaluan. dan yang tadinya gue mau ke jogja jadi dokter, eeeh belok ke bandung dan memutuskan jadi engineer. dia juga salah satu orang pertama yang gue kabarin kabar gembiran gue keterima di itb. satu hal yang gue syukuri lagi. di bandung ini gue gak pernah ngerasa ‘se-lonely’ itu karena gue tau, gue punya sodara yang bisa gue telfon di saat-saat emergency. yang bisa gue omel2in kalo lg pms berat dan gapake marah balik, yang bisa gue tangisin kl nilai gue super jelek. ini orang multifungsi banget. kadang2 bisa jadi abang yang selalu mau jd tempat curhat gue, jadi bapak yang bisa dimintain tolong, dan jadi adek yang bisa ditindas huahahahaha.tapi tenang aja tos, gue adalah orang yang paling ga terima kalo ada yang ngejahatin lo. yah sekali doang nih gue ngomong gini, lo tuh baik banget. keterlaluanlah yang mau ngejahatin lo. yaudah deh pokoknya seneng banget sm desember tahun ini. gue punya dua sahabat, dua kembaran yang bener-bener nyambung dan klik dan… yah pokoknya best of the best, and top among the top.

promise, whatever happen, we will always be like this. beyond best friend. family. forever and ever.

bersyukur banget bisa punya sahabat-sahabat yang hebat kaya kalian berdua ({})({})

just a few words

yah gue tau mungkin lo gabakalan baca, tp gapapalah, ga ada salahnya gue ngomong disini kan?

halo sahabat, well saudara gue. abang adek semuanya deh jadi satu. gatau kenapa belakangan ini, gue ngerasa lo berubah. berubah dibagian mana dan jadi gimana jg nggak jelas. yang jelas gue ngerasa aja ada yang lain dr lo. bukan, bukan ke arah yang positif, tapi cenderung ke arah yang gak bagus. maaf ya :’( jujur gue kehilangan lo yang dulu. gue tau gue gak pada posisinya berharap semua orang tetep bertahan sm sifatnya, tapi karena gue ngerasa lo penting buat gue. karena gue ngerasa lo keluarga gue. hey i mean it, gue bener-bener nganggep lo saudara gue loh :) gue ngerasa lo harus tau.

gue pikir lo jd kaya jaga jarak gitu sm gue. ada apaan sih? gue ada salah ya? maaf deh kalo dengan keberadaan gue yang sering demanding dan hembusan gosip ngga enak itu bikin lo nggak nyaman. tp bukannya lo sendiri yang bilang? ngapain peduliin gosip? itu kan cuma gosip. kenyataannya kan enggak. serius deh gue bener-bener nganggep lo kaya abang gue sendiri, saudara cowo yang selalu gue minta sm Tuhan. hmm iya sih gue tau lo juga punya kehidupan baru, teman-teman baru, semuanya baru dan semuanya nyenengin. gue seneng banget ngeliat lo seneng dan nggak galau. gatau sih lo galau apa nggak. tapi gue sedih aja sekarang kita ga pernah cerita2 lagi. setiap gue berusaha untuk keep in touch sm lo, lo-nya kaya angin2an gitu. guenya jadi males. dan ketemu pun cuma kalo gue minta tolong atau gue habis ngambek. curcol-curcol dan nyampah-nyampah? hahaha, kapan ya terakhir kaya gitu? sekarang kesannya gue yang ga pengen banget kehilangan sahabat. gue yang selalu berusaha ngehubungin. kapan lo berusaha ngehubungin gue? waktu udh diem seminggu dan begitu ketemu lo gue jutek? habis itu? yaudah lo cuek lagi. kemana lo yang dulu? apa gue bakalan kehilangan sahabat dan saudara gue itu?

lo juga jadi lebih emosional. iya sih sejak kuliah gue juga ngerasa gue jadi emosional banget. lebih cynical dan judgmental. tapi yang gue tau lo super dewasa dan nggak gampang kepancing. sekarang? kayanya lo pengen banget adu otot. pengen banget kayanya nunjukin ke orang-orang ‘woy gue bisa berantem loh!ngebonyokin anak orang!’ seinget gue dulu lo rasional dan bukan orang yang gampang panasan. bukannya gue ya yang emosional dan panasan? lo dulu sedingin es batu, alias ga ambil pusing. apa gue yang belom terlalu kenal dan terlalu cepet ngambil keputusan? nggak deh, setaun menurut gue bukan waktu yang singkat dalam mengenal seorang sahabat.

maaf kalo gue terkesan demanding, menuntut, dan super pathetic. gue cuma nggak mau kehilangan sahabat gue. gue nggak mau kehilangan saudara cowo yang udh gue tunggu bertaun-taun itu. gue kangen lo yang dulu. well gue gak minta lo ada terus buat gue. at least saat gue bener-bener butuh. bisakah lo bener-bener ada? gue ga minta intensitas ngobrol yang sering, tp waktu gue butuh saran lo, bisa ngga lo bener-bener ada dan bantuin gue? bukan ngawang-ngawang nggak jelas. 

apa emang udah gak bisa lagi gue berharap sm lo? udah ngga bisa lagi gue nganggep lo abang gue? udah ngga bisa lagi ya? just let me know kalo emang udah gak bisa lagi. jd gue nggak akan nungguin lo….

anyway, get well soon brother :)

ya emang ga bisa. mau diapain juga ga bisa. belom kali ya. semua butuh waktu. semua butuh perjuangan. ya deh ya deh. nyesel loh mulai ini semua. kenapa sih gue mesti make perasaan? kenapa? kenapa gue ditakdirkan sebagai orang yg kelewat setia. apaan sih gue ngelantur. yaudah biarin aja. duh gasuka banget sama keadaan kaya gini. yaudah deh kalkulus aja atau kimia deh kimia. fisika juga biar gak E lagi. ya ampun tolooong gamau lagi ditolak masalah akademis. pindah nih kalo ditolak! snmptn lagi. idih gaya. haha duh gue gila~

life

life goes on, people change. we change. we just don’t realize it. people around you feel it. the question is, are you ready for a change? are you ready to lose your best friends. separate from distance, time, busy-ness of life? are you ready to grow up? it means you are not allowed to do stupid things, you are forbidden to act childish. 

and the next question is, are you ready for a new life, a new love, a new experience? are you ready to leave your past behind and when you turn back, you will just smile and thanking God for whatever happenned before. 

sometimes we don’t just accept the future, we make the future, we choose our future.

Tuhan emang ngebatasin hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan masa depan kita, tapi kita sendiri yang milih jalan hidup kita. mau kemana dan mau jadi apa kita..

i miss them

i miss those moment, when we were laughing, freely.

no pressure, well yes there were, but we didn’t give a damn. we laughed, we shared pain, we studied, we ate, played, gossipped, together.

if only i could turn back time

i would cherish every moment